love

"The kindness of a Christian toward others...should be a practical love, a love which entails on him self-sacrifice and self-denial, both in money, and time, and trouble. His charity should be seen not merely in his talking, but his acting-not merely in his profession, but in his practice," -J.C. Ryle

{hello}

I was born in the heart of a hurricane season
In the house where my mamma was raised
That old September wind feels just like a long lost friend

I want to run through those cottonwood trees
Fall asleep in a big bed of fresh fallen leaves
And in every wind that blows there's a song of letting go
It's not good-bye, it's hello

When we met underneath the blue skies of summer
And those summer skies turn into fall
That sweet September wind made us so much more than friends

And we ran through those cottonwood trees
We made love in a big bed of fresh fallen leaves
And in every wind that blows there's an innocence that knows
It's not good-bye, it's hello

In the moment that one thing ends
Is the same time that one begins
And return as we must
We are ashes to dust, amen.

When the days of my youth have all faded
And the memories are all that remain
Let that old September wind take me back to where I've been

I can run through those cottonwood trees
And remember the smell of those fresh fallen leaves
Now in every wind that blows there's a part of me that knows
It's not good-bye, it's hello

Autumn

For as long as I can remember Autumn has been my favorite season. It just seems like there is nothing not to like. The colours are gorgeous. The wet leaves stick to your boots. Its just chilly enough for sweaters and hats, but not quite gloves and coats. There are long phone calls with my siblings. There is always a warm glow coming from the house after a long day at school. A hot cup of tea and a chat with mom waits inside. There are candles, crisp apples and a fire.

Fall is bittersweet too. There is change everywhere. There is homework, tests and early mornings. There is failure. There are frosts. There are empty seats at the dinner table that will never be filled. There is harsh loss.

But, there is also peace. There is faith in a God who loves us more then we will ever know.

"Well sometimes my life/Just don't make sense at all/When the moutains look so big/And my faith just seems so small/So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf/You have been King of my glory/Won't you be my Prince of Peace/And I wake up in the night and feel the dark/Its so hot inside my soul/I swear there must be blisters on my heart/Surrender don't come natural to me/I'd rather fight You for something/I don't really want/Than to take what You give that I need/And I've beat my head against so many walls/Now I'm falling down, I'm falling on my knees/And this Salvation Army band/Is playing this hymn/And Your grace rings out so deep/It makes my resistance seem so thin."

always realizing

Well, here I am sitting at school watching all these strange people go by and it just hit me:

Life is good.

I love it.

Give Us Clean Hands

We sang this today and I thought it was just too great to not share:

We bow our hearts, we bend our knees
Oh Spirit, come make us humble
We turn our eyes from evil things
Oh Lord, we cast down our idols

So give us clean hands, give us pure hearts
Let us not lift our souls to another
So give us clean hands, give us pure hearts
Let us not lift our souls to another

And God let us be a generation that seeks
Seeks Your face, O God of Jacob
And God let us be a generation that seeks
Seeks Your face, O God of Jacob

my brother

So, my brother has been at West Point for almost 10 days now. I admit, I have put off blogging about this. I was hopeful that I would come up with something really good to say. I was hopeful that I would be able to process and work things out and come up with a fantastic blog post. But, no. Haha, how misguided I was. All I can process at the moment is that it is a journey. A really big, exciting journey and I am so glad he got the chance to be on it. I am so proud of him. And I really miss him a lot.

Happy Father's Day, Daddy

Okay...so maybe father's day is over, but what the heck. I am getting ahead for next year.

I want to talk about my dad. First of all, my dad and I are a lot alike. We are silly and we like the same kind of food (nothing soggy!). We have the same eyes and a lot of the same character traits. But, we are also really different.

My dad is incredibly generous. He is smart. He works hard. My dad is the one up late at night finishing the dishes. He is also the one up (very) early to make coffee. But the thing that sticks out the most to me is that my dad never complains. Okay, so maybe he is not always joyful (love you dad!), but he never complains. He really does work hard and he really doesn't complain about it. Being a dad is a lot of work but my dad sure doesn't make it look that way.

There are three things that I especially love about him. First, he is hilarious. He brings new meaning to the term "Proctor humor". To exhibit true Proctor humor you must first be a Proctor (obviously) and, second, you must always laugh at your own jokes. Most of the time that means laughing when nobody else is. But, you see, my dad has brought Proctor humor to a new level because he has gotten so good at laughing at his own jokes that me and my family members have started to laugh right along with him. Or is that just because we are Proctors as well....? The second thing that I love about my dad is his ability to find out pretty much anything. He knows what is airing on TV to what classes I should take next semester. I love it. Within days of my brother applying to West Point, my dad knew almost everything about the school. I distinctly remember my dad spurting out information about it to my brother who was totally clueless. The first time I mentioned I wanted to study abroad my dad instantly knew what my options where, how much, for how long and everything in between. Although this might just seem quirky, it is not. It shows the kind of person my dad is. He is smart and he invests his time. He invests his time in me and my siblings. And, not to mention, in really helpful ways. Third, lastly, he is always, always, always there when I need a hug.

With all that said, Dad, I am proud to be your daughter. I love you.